Ten Ways to Save a Relationship
May 5, 2011 by admin · Leave a Comment
The fact that you are both willing to try anything at all is a good sign in my book, And there are ways to save a relationship, but it takes work.
1. Spend time remembering what drew you together in the first place. Did you fall in love with her quirky sense of humor? Did he drive you wild in his football jersey? What exactly attracted you to one another? Find something from your mutual past and use it to reconnect with your partner. Take her to a comedy and club and watch her let loose. Dig out his old jersey and ask him to wear it. Even if you have to pretend to be these people for a minute or two, go back in time to when your love was new. The feelings are still there, they have just been buried under the stress of life. Let them back out.
2. Touch for the sake of touching. When we are angry, hurt or sad, we tend to withdraw back into ourselves. We stop reaching out to our loved ones and that makes them hurt, angry and sad. Reach out and stroke your wife’s hair. Run your fingers along your husband’s arm. Allow your hips to gently brush against one another as you pass in the hallway. Just touch each other.
3. Kissing is different from touching. With touching, it can be misconstrued as accidental. There is no way to unintentionally kiss somebody. Women: take your husband’s face in your hands, stare him right in the eyes and then kiss him, softly and slowly. You would be surprised how fast passion can melt away anger.
4. Try a change of scenery. Staring at the same four walls when you are angry with someone can make the most beautifully decorated room feel like a jail cell. Go away for the weekend, even if it is only to a local hotel. The change may allow you to relax enough to discuss what is wrong, or maybe it will suddenly seem so insignificant that you forget it completely.
5. Act like you are strangers. Have you ever noticed that we treat perfect strangers with more dignity and respect than we do our loved ones? Our manners in general public can be exquisite while at home we turn into Penny and Paulie Pig, grunting and squealing at our spouses. Doesn’t sound fair, does it? Try to be more polite while at home and see if that changes things. Ask sweetly for something and include a “please.” Say thank you for tasks completed, no matter how small. Give and receive compliments graciously. Act like you really do like this person.
6. Learn something new as a couple. If you can stop bickering long enough, agree to try a new hobby or sport. Pick up some used golf clubs and go down to the golf course for a few rounds. Hike in the woods, bike on a trail; do something new and possibly exciting and discover a whole new side to your lover.
7. Talk it out. You have pouted for over a week because he did not notice your new hair cut. Unless you hacked off more than six inches of hair, it might be because he did not register such a subtle change as quickly as your female friends did. Then again, maybe he did notice and didn’t really care for it. Maybe the whole point of him not saying anything is because he was afraid he would hurt your feelings. And yet, here you are, with hurt feelings. Tell him about it. He cannot read your mind, so tell him that you cut your hair and that he did not notice. Tell him that you are mad as hell about it. Of course, after he tells you what he really thought about your hair, you might be even madder than that!
8. Write a letter. It might seem strange to write a letter to someone who is sitting across the breakfast table, but if you are not communicating any other way, it might be a safer option. List all the points that you want to make and then write. Don’t worry about how it is worded, you are not going for Wordsworth, after all. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. And always remember: do not ever put into writing today what you do not want to be reminded of tomorrow.
9. Seek counseling. If all else fails, try a couple’s counselor. If you truly want to save your relationship, the impartial wisdom of an outside party might be just the saving grace you need. You vent to your friends, and they all agree that you have married a slovenly pig. He vents to his friends and they all agree with him that he has married a soul crushing shrew. A counselor will not take sides and may be able to steer you onto the right path of self healing.
10. As a last resort consider a trial separation. If all else has failed, agree to spend a weekend apart with no communication of any kind. The time alone will give you time to reflect and renew. Besides, you know the old saying: absence makes the heart grow fonder.
How to Read a Date’s Body Language
May 4, 2011 by admin · 1 Comment
Two people are sitting across from each other making small talk and giggling nervously at the small gaps of silence. They are on a first date and for the life of them, they both wish that they had a clue of how things were going. Straight out asking sounds like you are asking for a job performance review or worse; it sounds pathetic and needy. So, how do you know how things are going then? How do you read your date’s body language?
Is your date making eye contact at all? Is it warm and inviting contact or is it menacingly intense and kind of creepy? The eyes are the windows to the soul, they should be your first clue to success or imminent failure. If your date has not looked up from his plate a single time or worse, is openly ogling the waitress, the date is not going well. On the other hand, if he looks up, makes eye contact, smiles and then resumes eating, you might just be doing okay.
Now, onto more intensive clues. Has your date initiated or reciprocated physical contact at all? Or, has every brush of flesh on flesh been met with a violent jerking away and look of sheer horror? If your dates is stroking your arm as she talks to you, she is more than likely expressing an interest in you. Look for the touch of connection: she puts her hand on your chest or your shoulder and the other hand on her own chest. It is a subtle signal, but an effective one. Of course, she could also be inordinately proud of her own cleavage too.
Ladies, has your date placed his hand on the small of your back as you walked into buildings? This is usually a gesture of protectiveness. Properly done, it is a sweet signal that he is a caring man and only wants to take care of you. Done wrong, it is a face slappable movement that I believe is called a “booty grab.” Remember that guys: small of back= perfectly fine, sweet gesture; booty grab=face smack and potential angry lecture.
Of course, male or female, gay or straight, the question that begs answering is: do I get that first kiss or not? That is where able to read body language can be the most important. Is your fiddling with her lips? Maybe popping mints left and right and smiling at you? (If she is popping mints and not smiling, she might be ill, so ask if she is okay.) Watch for her to start looking at your with slightly closed eyes, like a sleepy cat. She may tip her head slightly while talking to you. She may even reach out and brush imaginary crumbs from your chin. The signs are all there, the lights are green, so kiss her. You can learn exactly how the date went by that first kiss.
Did she pull away slightly and give you closed lipper? Or, did she lean into the kiss, pressing herself, chest to hip to you, sighing as she did? If you got a leaning kiss, the date went really well and you are probably on track for a second one. If you got a closed lipper, don’t despair right away. Perhaps you rushed things a bit. Wait and see if she wants to get away from your right away. If not, then you might have a second shot at a less restrained kiss. Wait a little bit, do some more body language reading. So you blew the first kiss, so what? You can always blow her away if you time it right for the second one.
Help to Get Back with an Ex
May 1, 2011 by admin · Leave a Comment
The break up was painful, and the time apart is excruciating. You think about that man night and day, usually while either sobbing or stomping around angry. Friends have tried to set you up with new men, but not a one of them can hold a candle to your ex and you know he is the only one for you. You have made the decision that you will get back with your ex, no matter what it takes, and give the relationship one last shot. But you need some help to get back with your ex and some moral support from your friends.
Keep in mind the fact that while you were going through the break up and its aftermath, you may have said some things that you wish you could take back. Your friends either quietly agreed with you or added fuel to the fire, but either way, ugly words have more than been said. Before you start pursuing your ex, clear the air with your friends and tell them what you intend to do. Explain that you were angry and that you appreciated their support during that terrible time of your life, but that he is truly the man you love and that their continued support is needed. Being your friends, they will agree whole heartedly and do whatever it takes to help you get back with your ex. Yeah, right! They will have a fit and ask if you have lost your mind completely! After the initial shock, they will come around though.
Next, consider the realistic side of things. Do you want to get back with your ex because you still love and miss him, or is it simply because you do not want to be alone? Are you running back to him because you are scared of the unknown? Did one or two bad dates sour you from men in general? Be honest with yourself and do not allow your loneliness or fear gloss over the reasons for the break up. His bad behaviors did not magically clear up when you broke up, so consider everything before moving ahead. If you broke up in the heat of an argument, that is one thing, but if you simply could not tolerate a nasty habit or another, then you are probably bound to repeat the same, sad cycle.
Do you know if your ex is still single? If the break up was because of infidelity, trying to get him back from the woman he left you for is sad, pathetic and fodder for countless country songs. The old saying “you lose a man the same way you got him” is repeated so often because it is painfully true. If you started a relationship with a man who is supposed to be committed, do you honestly think he will not eventually cheat on you too? If he is not single, then sit yourself down and ask: am I looking for love or revenge?
If he is still unattached, and you still want to pursue him, realize that nothing has inherently changed. He is still the same man, you are still the same woman. The problems with the relationship did not vanish. If you are not willing to talk about your issues, then you are not ready to try to work things out. Clear the air, list your grievances and see if compromises can be reached. If the answer is yes, then go slowly, carefully. Pretend he is someone new and relearn what made you love him in the first place. This time you will be more aware of the things that you know you do not love. Be sure you let him know what these things are before they escalate. Try not to get caught up in the rush of familiarity, and as always, try to think with your head rather than your heart.