Now, onto more intensive clues. Has your date initiated or reciprocated physical contact at all? Or, has every brush of flesh on flesh been met with a violent jerking away and look of sheer horror? If your dates is stroking your arm as she talks to you, she is more than likely expressing an interest in you. Look for the touch of connection: she puts her hand on your chest or your shoulder and the other hand on her own chest. It is a subtle signal, but an effective one. Of course, she could also be inordinately proud of her own cleavage too.

Ladies, has your date placed his hand on the small of your back as you walked into buildings? This is usually a gesture of protectiveness. Properly done, it is a sweet signal that he is a caring man and only wants to take care of you. Done wrong, it is a face slappable movement that I believe is called a “booty grab.” Remember that guys: small of back= perfectly fine, sweet gesture; booty grab=face smack and potential angry lecture.

Of course, male or female, gay or straight, the question that begs answering is: do I get that first kiss or not? That is where able to read body language can be the most important. Is your fiddling with her lips? Maybe popping mints left and right and smiling at you? (If she is popping mints and not smiling, she might be ill, so ask if she is okay.) Watch for her to start looking at your with slightly closed eyes, like a sleepy cat. She may tip her head slightly while talking to you. She may even reach out and brush imaginary crumbs from your chin. The signs are all there, the lights are green, so kiss her. You can learn exactly how the date went by that first kiss.

Did she pull away slightly and give you closed lipper? Or, did she lean into the kiss, pressing herself, chest to hip to you, sighing as she did? If you got a leaning kiss, the date went really well and you are probably on track for a second one. If you got a closed lipper, don’t despair right away. Perhaps you rushed things a bit. Wait and see if she wants to get away from your right away. If not, then you might have a second shot at a less restrained kiss. Wait a little bit, do some more body language reading. So you blew the first kiss, so what? You can always blow her away if you time it right for the second one.

Next, consider the realistic side of things. Do you want to get back with your ex because you still love and miss him, or is it simply because you do not want to be alone? Are you running back to him because you are scared of the unknown? Did one or two bad dates sour you from men in general? Be honest with yourself and do not allow your loneliness or fear gloss over the reasons for the break up. His bad behaviors did not magically clear up when you broke up, so consider everything before moving ahead. If you broke up in the heat of an argument, that is one thing, but if you simply could not tolerate a nasty habit or another, then you are probably bound to repeat the same, sad cycle.

Do you know if your ex is still single? If the break up was because of infidelity, trying to get him back from the woman he left you for is sad, pathetic and fodder for countless country songs. The old saying “you lose a man the same way you got him” is repeated so often because it is painfully true. If you started a relationship with a man who is supposed to be committed, do you honestly think he will not eventually cheat on you too? If he is not single, then sit yourself down and ask: am I looking for love or revenge?

If he is still unattached, and you still want to pursue him, realize that nothing has inherently changed. He is still the same man, you are still the same woman. The problems with the relationship did not vanish. If you are not willing to talk about your issues, then you are not ready to try to work things out. Clear the air, list your grievances and see if compromises can be reached. If the answer is yes, then go slowly, carefully. Pretend he is someone new and relearn what made you love him in the first place. This time you will be more aware of the things that you know you do not love. Be sure you let him know what these things are before they escalate. Try not to get caught up in the rush of familiarity, and as always, try to think with your head rather than your heart.

First of all, slow down on the drinking. Being approached by a sloshingly drunk man is not at all appealing, no matter how attractive he is ordinarily. Try to ditch your entourage for the moment. Would you want an entire group of your laughing friends to hear you get shot down if this goes poorly? Pop into the bathroom and have a quick peek at yourself. Slick your hair down, but avoid that cheap bathroom cologne. Finally check your break and pop a mint if you need one. Square off your shoulder, suck in your gut and head on out there.

Don’t just stomp over to the target girl and grunt out the first thing that pops into your mind, but steer clear of the tired opening lines. No one is going to fall for the “did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven” line, trust me. Stick with the simple basics, and keep in mind that if you are in a loud bar, meaningful conversation is going to be impossible. Walk up, smile and wait for a smile in return. If she rolls her eyes as soon as you walk up, you have more than likely just been handed the no sale sign, so move on. If you get a smile, then all systems are a go for the next step. Stick out your hand and introduce yourself. Shake her hand gently but firmly. You do not want her to think you are treating her like she will break, but you do not want to hurt her either. Oh, and guys, a hand shake is two gentle shakes, not an opportunity to get some cheap chest jiggling action going. Ask her name, and then use it when speaking to her. Repeating her name shows that you were paying attention and that you are interested in her as a person.

Want a worse scenario? Picture yourself on a date with Mr. Hunky McHotbuns, gazing across the table at him and desperately searching for something, anything to say to break the ice and get the conversation started. So what are you going to do? Surely you are not going to allow the night to end in failure and let that luscious creature out of your life without a single word? Come on! Pick a word and say it.

Normally your friends complain that you cannot be shut up and now you have gone mute?
That old “open with a joke” thing can be tricky. First off, can you actually tell a joke? Some people can, and some people cannot so know which one you are before you even try. If you can tell a joke, do you know what kind of humor your companion enjoys? You do not want to open with a joke that steps on someone’s toes or offends in any way.

So exactly how should you break the ice then? Go with a heartfelt and honest compliment. Something safe and innocuous like ‘pretty shirt” or,
“I like your cologne.” Hopefully they will counter with an amusing story about how they ended up with the shirt and the conversation will grow from there.

Asking questions is a good ploy too, but try to avoid any question that can be answered with yes or no. You want to ask simple, direct questions that will require three or more words to answer. Pay attention to the response and see if there are any follow up questions that you could ask to keep conversation flowing. Make sure you keep asking questions about your companion until you stumble on the topic that gets the conversation really going.

Once you have finally gotten the ice broken and the conversation is flowing, try to avoid the talk killers. Skip politics, religion and stories about your crazy Aunt Ruth on a first date. ( You actually might want to keep the Aunt Ruth stories to yourself until just before she makes it through the receiving line at your wedding.) Sports can be an iffy topic if there is the possibility of a sport rivalry between you. Say it’s the Stanley Cup playoffs and you are a die hard Boston Bruin fan while your date is a Wing nut ’til she dies kind of girl, then tempers might flare a little. If you can both agree to disagree, however, sports can be a great way to get a little friendly back and forth banter going.

Food is a fairly safe topic, especially if you are at a restaurant. Ask him about his favorite meal, or what weird thing he used to like a child. By the time your food comes for the meal at hand, you will be chatting and laughing like old friends. Just remember not to eat with your mouth full.

Growing up, we all had our teen idols that we had our first crushes and girly lust moments over, but growing up means realizing that sometimes what is on the outside does not hold a candle to what is on the inside. Unfortunately, for some of us, that lesson is a hard learned one, and so we are bound to get our foolish hearts broken a time or two while searching for Mr. Hotstuff so that we can turn him into our dream mate. Got a little secret for you girls: it is not going to happen. Looking for a mate by looks alone is not going to get you nothing but a good looking creep. Now, there are those that get the guys that are not only handsome, but charming, funny and sweet too. Is that you? Lucky thing, I hate your guts!

You really have to know what it is that you want out of life before you know who your dream mate might even be. You have to know your goals, your temperament and for most of all, you have to know yourself before you throw another person into the mix. If you know that you want to be a world traveler for instance, you better not tie your dream wagon to a guy that gets car sick backing out of the driveway. Either the guy has to change or the dream, so you have decide what you will and will not give in on. Everyone has one or two must haves and can’t stands, know what yours are before you even start looking.
For me, a sense of humor is just as important as having air to breath. I need to laugh, preferably every day. I could not live with a seriously uptight, no nonsense kind of man that thought laughing was frivolous. Right there I have ruled out one whole category of men. It used to be that I was sure it would be a big, tall, Russian hockey player that won my heart, ( okay, so I really did fine tune my fantasy man, sue me.) but my thoughts on that have changed dramatically. For one thing, there are not a whole lot of hockey players, Russian or otherwise, in my general area. I could either a)move or b) change the dream. As luck would have it, the dream changed itself for me when I met a fellow hockey fan who is not a tall, Russian hockey player. He is an insurance agent for Pete sake! I would not take ten hockey players for him now; my dream mate has totally changed.

Be flexible. Ease up on yourself. Know that there is a huge difference between fantasy and a dream mate. A fantasy is the one that will never happen, and you can change it daily. The dream mate? Well, that one is changeable too, until you meet the one that truly is your dream mate. I hope you find him soon.

First things first, ignore your friend that is drooling over the exotic dancer over there. He is either gay or an actor working on his first big break, (read: unemployed), maybe even both. Now, ignore your mother with her “only marry a doctor or lawyer” lines. Young doctors work hideous and long hours, and you know what the issue is with lawyers. You have heard all the lawyer jokes right? Now, the advice you just got from me? Ignore it too. Yes, you heard me, ignore my first piece of advice. That is the key word for you to focus on, your mantra: ignore.

Your friends and family want you to be happy, but they have preconceived notions about what your happiness is going to look like. You have to make that choice for yourself. If you are a wild and crazy, living on the edge kind of girl, then a traditional marriage with a buttoned up kind of guy is not going to be your ideal, is it? The dream guy must fit the dream life and letting someone else write the script is just sad and wrong. Plus it almost never works out in the end.

If you know your own personality, your likes and dislikes and your goals for the future, then you more that likely will know the basic type of dream guy to be in it. Don’t get hung up on that one type though, you might be missing out on more than just a new man, you might be missing out on the love of a lifetime.
Yes, I once had a dream in mind. I would marry the blonde boy down the road and together we would make beautiful blonde babies. That did not happen. The boy met someone else and had the angelic blondes while I moved to another state. The dream changed and so too did the dream guy. I accepted the change and thankfully, found out that you do not base a life decision on hair color, or any potential changes he may bring into your future.

Start your search for the dream guy by taking a good hard look at the men you are dating or friends with now. Are any of them even near to dream guy status? Have you had a serious change of opinion about any of them in recent months? Have you suddenly started looking at your best guy friend in a whole new way lately? Your dream guy is not some buff, glossy haired stud all the time. Sometimes he is the short, funny guy that show up for your first date with flowers and always asks if your hands are warm enough. You never saw yourself falling in love with him, but now you cannot stop thinking about him. The dream changed and so too did the dream guy. Lucky you, sounds like you found him.

Skip the five star places, you will either come off looking pretentious or pathetic. Save those places for special occasions later in the relationship. On the other hand, don’t go totally cheap and try a fast food place either; nothing says I don’t care like a date that starts off with talking into a plastic clown head. Your best bet is to choose a mid-price, sit down type restaurant with a wide ranging menu. Most places can accommodate special requests, so don’t be afraid to ask.
Choosing a good restaurant for your date also means choosing to dress appropriately and to use good manners as well. Don’t think you are going to get very far with a date if you have just walked up to the door of a very nice, Italian restaurant in cut off jeans and flip flops. Humiliation is not an aphrodisiac, trust me. Do show up nicely dressed, and hold the door open for her, good manners never go out of style.

At the table, decide whether or not you will order for both of you, or if she would prefer to give her selection to the server herself. Some women think that is urbane and sophisticated, others find it creepy and demeaning, so ask first. Watch for her cues for your own behavior. If she does not even glance at the wine menu, ask if she would mind if you had a glass first, she might be anti-alcohol, and your glass of wine may just cost you, big time.

Definitely offer her dessert. If she refuses, but does so rather reluctantly, then order her something to go, or offer to split her choice with her. (If it is chocolate, you will have earned major brownie points, pardon the pun).

Lastly, when the check comes, don’t make some huge production about paying it. If she wants to pay part, and you want to pay the whole thing, do not ruin a nice evening with an argument. Suggest that she pay the tip, or pay for the movie. Or better yet, tell her that she can buy the meal on your next date. You have just deflected potential hurt feelings, and asked for a second date in one smooth move. You have to admire an efficient man!

Never turn down an invitation. Your friend asked you over for a party? Put on a bright smile and go, you never know when someone will have dragged their unattached cousin along with them. Unless you live in a rural area, you are probably surrounded by people at least part of each day, so smile and strike up conversations wherever you go. If nothing else, you will be sharpening your social skills.

If you are truly, painfully shy though, and none of your friends is willing or able to set you up with a date, then you might consider online dating. There are countless dating sites, offering nearly every niche and taste imaginable. There is literally something for everybody on the Internet, you simply have to know where to look. Check out the bigger name sites first and see if you are at all interested. The better sites allow you to look around before you actually sign up, so keep that in mind before you sign up. Do not get roped into a lengthy contract before you know exactly what you expect to find from the site itself and from any potential matches. Some sites have listings for marriage minded as well as people only looking for casual dating, so know what you want and what you are getting.

If the Internet is really not for you and you are just not meeting the right person, consider the speed dating events that are held in most major cities. You sit at a table while a volley of men sit across from you and attempt to dazzle you in five minutes. A bell rings, and a new man takes the seat and gives the same thing a try. At the end of the night, you rate the men and whether or not you would consider an actual date with them or not. The events get high reviews from participants for the most part, and if they work, why not?
In the end, you know yourself and your tastes better than anybody else does. You don’t go looking for a husband in a bar and you don’t try to hook up for a one night stand with the choir master at your local church. Know what you will want and that will narrow down your searching spots. Happy hunting!

The first step, of course, is to decide which online dating site you will use. There are countless sites to choose from. One man I know views online dating like a job. He belongs to several sites and keeps notebooks with notations about profiles and his hits and misses. The man is totally obsessed. That is an extreme case, so don’t let that scare you off. Select a few sites by reputation and then narrow it down to the one that you can best afford. Remember, you are going to be dating now, you are going to need new shoes. Budget wisely.

Once you have selected the site, the next step is your picture. The first thing that people will look at is the photo. If yours is great, you could practically describe beating your mailman to death with a bagful of kittens and you will still get a handful of responses. Okay, so those responses are from people you want to say far, far away from, but you get the point. Pick a picture that highlights your best facial feature, like your sparkling eyes or your perfect smile. Try not to use that glamour shot that you got last year at the mall though, especially if a light brushing of mascara and some lip balm is your idea of putting on make up. Use a flattering, but truthful, realistic picture.

After the right picture is found, you will need to write a good, eye catching profile. Again, try to be honest and don’t oversell yourself. Remember, you do want to meet some of these people in real life. Avoid over the top, million dollar words that you would not use in regular conversation. Try to remain upbeat but not annoyingly perky. In the section marked “pets” list what you have and be done with it. Now is not the time to spill your guts about every precious thing that little Sparky has done. Check the box and move along.

If you are on a bad date at a dance club, sweetly lead him to the dance floor and then allow the crowd to swallow you up. By the time Goofy VonBadDate whines and worms his way through the crowd, you will be long gone. If you are feeling particularly malicious, walk over to a bouncer and point him out as a stalker that just will not leave you alone. He gets tossed out on his ear, you get to stay and party.

If you are a direct person, you could of course tell him flat out that it is not working and that you are going to bail out of the date, but most women are just not wired to be that open. Society has ingrained us to be polite, no matter how unhappy it makes us, so that leaves us to do a little creative date ditching.

A little psychological warfare can chase off a bad date too, but proceed carefully. Look him in the eye and announce that you think that your babies would be positively beautiful. With any luck, that little gem will have him slipping out after having suddenly remembered some pressing engagement. If not, you may have just encouraged him a little further.

Getting blindingly drunk in an effort to embarrass a bad date away is a bad idea for a lot of reasons. For one thing, being drunk puts you at risk for bad decisions. What if you drink that loser suddenly attractive? You think its hard to ditch a bad date in a restaurant? Try ditching that clinger after sleeping with him in an alcohol fueled stupor. You could toss him into an ocean tied to a Buick and he would still show back up.

Better to stay sober and keep an eye out for your chance to make a break for it. Hopefully he is not the worse kind of bad dates, the one that will not leave your side for a single second. They remain at the table no matter what, and follow you like a basset hound wherever you go. He even stands outside of the ladies room door when you go. Looks like this one has been date ditched a time or two before, huh? Maybe there will be a window in that bathroom.